Wholeness Has Edges: Why ACEs Still Matter for Trauma-Informed, Human-Centered Leadership

In late October, I was invited by Methodist Children’s Home to join a fireside chat after their revived Willson-Johnson Lecture Series. Dr. Robert Anda had just delivered the lecture, and then we sat down to talk about Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). It felt like stepping into a circle I’d drawn years ago and finally getting to close it.

ACEs is the study that launched my healing and my work. During the chat, I was able to say something I’ve carried for a long time: thank you to Dr. Vincent Felitti and Dr. Robert Anda for the courage to follow the data, even when it points into hard places.

Our moderator opened with a question that always stops me: “What does wholeness mean to you?”

Here’s what I said:

Wholeness isn’t erasing what’s broken; it’s building from what remains.

I grew up in a system that often measured me by what was missing—family, stability, normalcy. But healing came when I stopped trying to become “unbroken” and started building from what remained: resilience, curiosity, and compassion. That’s the work I try to bring into systems today, helping them see people not as problems to fix, but as stories still unfolding.

Later, Dr. Anda shared that when the first ACE data came back, it broke him—the sheer volume and depth of trauma. He sought help and support. I told him: that’s wholeness, too. The study that broke him saved me.

We talk about trauma-informed, human-centered leadership like it’s an HR program. It’s not. It’s how we build systems that don’t require people to leave parts of themselves at the door. If wholeness has edges, leadership is learning what to do with them—at work.

The pieces of wholeness at work

Healthy cultures tend to protect three pieces. When one goes thin, the edges get sharper:

Safety — People feel physically and psychologically safe enough to tell the truth.

Clarity — Roles, decisions, and priorities are legible; “how we do things here” isn’t a scavenger hunt.

Capacity — There’s enough time, support, and recovery to do good work without harm.

Most ‘performance’ issues trace back to a crack in one of these. Name the thin piece and repair there first.

“Wholeness isn’t the absence of sharp edges—it’s knowing what to do with them.”

Compassion and Accountability (they don’t compete—they complete)

“Compassion without accountability is sentiment; accountability without compassion is cruelty.”

When we lead from trauma-informed values, compassion and accountability don’t compete—they complete each other. Compassion asks why; accountability asks what now. Together, they move people and systems toward wholeness.

Try this now: CARE in 60 seconds

• C — Clarify the expectation (1 sentence): “By Friday, please deliver the draft memo.”

• A — Ask about barriers (1 question): “What could get in the way?”

• R — Resource the support (1 concrete help): “I’ll share last year’s memo + 30 mins with me tomorrow.”

• E — Establish the check-in (time + signal): “Quick touchpoint Wed 2:15; if blocked, DM me
  

Why it works: This blends empathy with follow-through. By asking what might get in the way and resourcing help, you show care; by stating the outcome and scheduling a check-in, you create accountability. People feel supported and know precisely what to deliver.

Practically speaking: how leaders hold edges without harm

✅ Open with a 3-piece check-in (10 minutes weekly).

Ask: “Where are Safety, Clarity, or Capacity thin right now?” Capture three bullets; pick one to address immediately.

Outcome: One preventative adjustment before work begins.

✅ The Rough-Draft Welcome (one sprint).

Label first passes RDW. For the first 24 hours, only clarifying questions—no critique. You’ll get signal earlier and reduce perfection paralysis.

Outcome: Faster iteration; less perfection paralysis.

✅ Decision Clarity Card (add to every project doc).

Who decides? By when? With what input? How do we close the loop? You’ll cut down slow, hot conflict.

Outcome: Fewer slow, hot conflicts.

✅ Repair Script Reps (twice weekly).

“I cut you off—that wasn’t okay. I’m sorry. Next time I’ll pause and ask. Anything I missed?” Conflict cost drops; trust rises.

Outcome: Trust rises; conflict cost drops.

✅ Capacity Swap (mid-week).

Each leader removes one task from a teammate’s plate and empowers someone else to grow. Energy returns; skills spread.

Outcome: Energy returns; skills spread.

If you lead a school, an agency, or a justice/health organization

• Schools — Use RDW for curriculum pilots; include student voice in the decision card.

• Public Safety/Justice — Track time-to-repair after tense incidents as a top-line metric.

• Health & Human Services — Protect clinical capacity by de-scoping one admin task per clinician per week.
  

Why I’m writing this now

That conversation at Methodist Children’s Home reminded me that systems change starts with people who can tell the truth about what hurts and still imagine something better. The ACE work didn’t end in a journal. It keeps moving through us—in how we hire, meet, decide, rest, and repair. That’s why it all matters.

Keep going (free + deeper resources)

New ebook: Leading with Humanity — stories, templates, and metrics with a pulse.

Book a call: Map your first 60-day pilot (we’ll tailor rhythms, repair scripts, and measures to your context).

Listen/watch: Mindful Management podcast & our blog series on healing-centered leadership.